Dear Angel,
I can’t believe that my journey of motherhood began 14 years ago from this very month. God has taught me so much more than I ever knew there was to learn! I know I have far still to go. God has been faithful to grow me, be patient with me, take me through hardships, and give me seasons of rest. Being a mom for awhile has not resulted in a confidence that I need God less, but has done quite the opposite—I understand that I am weak and utterly dependent on Him. I know you will learn this too.
I want to begin by saying this with ano ounce of hyperbole. In this journey of motherhood, your theology will greatly affect every part of your task. I can say, because of grace, that I love Jesus Christ, and I love God’s Word. In many years of marriage and motherhood, I have tested it over and over and it has held true, so much so, that I would say it is one of the very few things in life I would find worthy of battling over if it was ever disparaged in my presence. This is why I have to starthere when discussing motherhood. Beginning with a submission to Christ and a full belief in His Word and sovereignty, you will be able to receive this seemingly humble position with more joy, cheer, gratefulness, and fullness than a woman without Christ would be able to gain even simple satisfaction from an exalted position. If you do not love Christ and trust His Word and the promises contained in it, you will have a hard time finding joy and loving your life in marriage and motherhood no matter what your circumstance is. If you refuse to see this task Biblically, you will selfishly shrink from the daily sacrifices required. You will moan and complain under the weight of the new burdens you will bear. You will sigh and huff and feel put out when you start comparing your menial household tasks with your husband’s and decide them to be unequally distributed. This is a terrible trap to fall into. I can say this because I have succumbedto this in the past to my shame. This is why your theology will matter more than you can imagine. What is believed about God’s reign over you and His Word spoken to you, will cause one woman to mother in ever growing faith and cheer with a lovely heart, and will cause another woman to mother in ever growing bitterness and discontentment with a heart of sin. Spurgeon says, “Remember this: if any other position were better for you than the one in which you are, Divine Love would have placed you there.” It is BECAUSE of His Divine Love that you are being put in this ‘best position’ with Shiloh.
Shiloh will be unlike all other babies, because she is being uniquely knit together—a perfect blending of you and Alec—to show God’s magnificent glory to all who know her. She is also being fashioned to be a very effective tool. A tool perfectly customized by God to root out, bring to light,and kill the sin that you don’t know is hiding in the crevices of your heart. It might be a funny way to describe a baby, but it is true!! That first night at home with my brand new baby was the very first time I experienced the pain of laying down my own desires and needs(mainly the desire to be still and sleep) to take on the care and need of another. I can’t think of another task or ministry where you intimately know another, love them, and must choose to meet their needs over your own needs for almost every moment of every day. Motherhood is truly a ministry for believing women and will be our primary mission for the rest of our lives. Going from doing what you want, when you want, to suddenly having your desires bound in subjection to the needs of another,can be a bit jarring. Some babies are more jarring than others. Guard your heart and mind in this time against the Enemy, and be very careful of what you tell yourself about your new work. Who you listen to and what you think will influence how you feel. How you feel will spill out in what you say and how you act. I ran across a perfect illustration of this recently:
Once a woman came upon three mothers at work. “What are you doing?” she asked of them.
“I’m doing the weekly washing,” answered the first.
“I’m doing a bit of household drudgery,” replied the second.
“I’m mothering three young children who someday will fill important and useful spheres in life, and wash-day is part of my grand task in caring for these souls who shall live forever,” replied the third. Only she had caught a vision of the great work she was doing.
(From: Verses of Virtue, edited by Elizabeth Beall Phillips)
Fill your mind with truth about your season and your baby. God gave them both to you to bring you good and not harm. Read the Bible regularly or listen to it on audio to help you “Set your mind on things above,” Col.3:2. Take time to rest and adjust, knowing that God is with you and will give you sufficient grace for everything He will call you to in each day. He is ordering your days, and sometimes all you will accomplish is nursing your baby, and maybe a trip or two to the bathroom. He is ordering your nights and is able to miraculously double and triple the sleep you do get in order to sustain you. Remember, this season does not last, so enjoy this all that you can. Rejoice in her toes and her smell, and the way she will melt into you when you hold her. God is glorified when we notice and rejoice in His good gifts!
The newborn stage is always hard in our family, and we hit our stride of ease around the 2nd birthday. For other families, this order is reversed. Again, every family has different sanctification needs and every baby is different. Whatever kind of baby Shiloh is, each season with her will hold its unique struggle, but also its own irreplicable sweetness. Upon passing from one season to the next, one struggle comes to a resolve but gets replaced with a new trouble. With the new season’s new trouble, it also brings with it a host of new delights and joys to discover. Sometime between baby 3 and 4 the Lord taught me a secret that has increased my peace and joy in the little years. It seems the secret of contentment and steady joy in all of these seasons is not getting tricked into thinking the next season will have no struggle, and instead will be filled with all the delights you are yearning for in whatever current season you’re in. If you believe that lie, you will be in a holding pattern of waiting for it to get better or easier. You will get caught in a cycle of discontentment and grumbling, but saddest and worse, you will miss the delights laid out for you to find right where you are. These little brief treasures will pass you by unnoticed, unpraised, and unenjoyed. Later you will be regretful that you didn’t relish them more. The only thing you can do is abide in Christ, “that your joy may be full, (John 15:1-11)” and walk the path God makes known to you so that you stay in His presence, where there is “fullness of joy, (Psalm 16:11).” Try to squeeze out each drop of sweetness and to notice each gift and mercy God is giving you in this little girl at each new day, knowing it will be here and gone quickly.
Be a happy and content mama. I try to preach this to myself too. Shiloh does not need you to be the elusive supermom. Those of us who try to chase this rumor of a person, will never feel satisfied or accomplished because this is never a status that can be obtained. The supermom myth is really just a conglomerate of all of the qualities that you admire in countless other women, which you think you can roll all together within your one-person-self. This is irrational. Some of us get somethings accomplished on some days, but no woman or mama can or is doing it all!! Smile at your baby often. Find your strengths and your delights and be intentional about blessing Shiloh with those gifts. Be content with your life, your husband, your child, your finances, your station. I am not saying we can’t be inspired toward goals of personal growth, but be built up in that and not torn down. If we are happy in Christ because we trust : there is not a better place for us (because he would have put us there), there is not a better husband for us (or God would have placed us with that better guy),there is no task that could bring us more joy (because he would have set our hands to it), there is no child that could fill our life in a more perfect way than the one we have (because he/she would’ve been given to us instead), then we have the freedom to rest and laugh and enjoy the life God has given us with our husbands and children, and we teach our little ones they can do the same. We can take the good and wonderful with the distressing and difficult knowing from whose hand each one comes, and trust Him to give us all we need to live our lives out in faithful ways that glorify Him. Philippians 2: 13: for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
Oh that God would give every mother a vision of the glory and splendor of the work that is given to her when a babe is placed in her bosom to be nursed and trained! Could she have but one glimpse into the future of that life as it reaches on into eternity; could she look into its soul to see its possibilities; could she be made to understand her own personal responsibility for the training of this child, for the development of its life, and for its destiny, –she would see that in all God’s world there is no other work so noble and so worthy of her best powers, and she would commit to no other hands the sacred and holy trust given to her. J.R. Miller
Every hour, and almost every minute, will furnish opportunity for the exercise of some virtue; and that Eye which goes everywhere will graciously notice, and bring to light too, those acts which are cheerfully and conscientiously performed. Archibald Alexander
O mothers of young children, I bow before you in reverence. Your work is most holy. You are fashioning the destinies of immortal souls. The powers folded up in the little ones that you hushed to sleep in your bosoms last night are powers that shall exist for ever. You are preparing them for their immortal destiny and influence. Be faithful. Take up your sacred burden reverently. Be sure that your heart is pure and that your life is sweet and clean. J.R. Miller
I solemnly charge you to begin this path and perservere in it with faith and joy. Abide in Christ and you will bear fruit. Plant seeds of the Gospel of grace at every opportunity in Shiloh’s heart, trusting that God is the one that gives the growth. Draw on the power He offers you in abundance, and His grace will be sufficient for you.
With Love,
JB
the pender place 